Without You
by ShellSueD
Summary: A family issue beckons Ranger away from Trenton, perhaps permanently.
1. Chapter 1

_JE owns the rights to anything familiar. The mistakes are all mine._

There is a song called "Make it Without You" by Andrew Belle that probably inspired this story, however, I was again trying to write something completely different so who the hell really knows. My brain is a mystery these days.

This is a tad on the angsty side, but I think it all turns out okay in the end. Thanks in advance for reading and leaving me messages. I do enjoy that immensely.

* * *

There were five voicemails on my phone, all from Stephanie, and I hadn't listened to a single one. We said all there was to say, at least _I_ had, and I didn't want whatever was waiting on those recordings to delay my plans.

 _Because they could._

She'd always been able to sway a decision I thought was final and it was time to stop letting her have that kind of power. I should have never allowed it in the first place.

Pulling open the bottom drawer of my dresser, I scooped out the contents and dumped it into the bag at my feet. I didn't need to pack _all_ my clothes; there was a full closet waiting for me in the penthouse in Miami but I _wanted_ to take everything. I didn't plan to ever come back to Trenton and I knew if I left anything behind, even a pair of socks, I'd use it as a flimsy excuse to return.

I spent the next hour emptying my bedroom and it turned out to be some of her underwear, the ones Ella had embroidered with the company logo, which I found mixed with mine in the closet that put an abrupt ending to my goal to finish packing.

It also had me getting out the twenty-year-old bottle of scotch I'd been saving for a special occasion while I fingered the silky material and tried not to think about how she looked the last time I'd seen her wearing them.

I tried not to think about a lot of things involving Stephanie but that only made the memories flow freely, so I poured a generous two fingers of scotch into a crystal tumbler and knocked back half, hoping the alcohol would dull the constant rush of emotion. But all it did was remind me of the time she had one too many margaritas and drunkenly admitted her feelings for me right before she passed out in my Porsche.

In a fit of frustration, I threw the glass against the wall, shattering it into a thousand pieces and staining the carpet with the expensive amber liquid.

Leaning my head back on the couch cushions, I closed my eyes against the mess and told myself for the hundredth time that I didn't want her, that I didn't _need_ her...that somehow I'd figure out how to make it without her.

She would continue on here without _me_ , probably get married to the cop, get another dog, have a couple of kids...and after a while it would be like I was never a part of her life at all.

This is how it should have been all along.

I never should have agreed to meet her when Connie called in that favor. I never should have tried to teach her anything or helped her with her captures or rescued her when Morelli handcuffed her to her shower rod. I never should have kissed her that first time in her parking lot when she was vulnerable and crying and looking like the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen and I never should have taken her to bed where I proceeded to lose a part of myself each time I touched her.

I never should have let myself love her and then this wouldn't hurt so fucking much.

My phone buzzed inside my pocket and I breathed out a sigh, letting it go to voicemail. _Don't listen, you idiot. Don't even think about listening._

Ignoring my inner warning system was becoming commonplace. I'd been doing it since the day she came crashing into my life so of course I couldn't stop myself from sliding it out and finally hitting the correct buttons to retrieve the voicemails.

My breath caught in my throat the second her distraught voice sounded through the tiny speaker phone.

 _"Ranger, I...please don't leave like this...don't go before I..."_

A knock sounded on my door and I stopped the message. What if it was her? I'd given instructions to deny her access if she arrived but I wouldn't put it past some of the men to let her in anyway; they'd fallen victim to her charms just as much as I had. Hector in particular was very fond of Stephanie and since he was sitting monitor duty tonight, I wouldn't be surprised to find he'd granted her an entrance. I made my way to the foyer half afraid I find her there…and half afraid I _wouldn't_.

But when I opened the door, Tank's enormous frame was filling the doorway. He was carrying a set of fobs and had a manila envelope tucked under his arm.

"These arrived from Miami this afternoon," he announced holding up the key ring, "and this is the last of the paperwork that needs your signature."

I gestured for him to enter and stepped aside so he could fit through the threshold. He headed for the living room, pausing briefly at the broken glass before settling onto the couch and saying, "What'd that scotch ever do to you?"

I knew he was just trying to lighten the obvious tension he sensed but I wasn't in the mood. "Did you bring a pen? Because I think packed all mine."

He eyed the mess one more time and then pulled out a pen from the front pocket of his shirt. I sat beside him on the couch and spread out the papers which would give him the reins of Rangeman, Trenton.

Just before pen hit paper, he spoke again. "Are you sure about this?" I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. It wasn't the first time he asked and probably wouldn't be the last but I was tired of the question.

"Sorry," he apologized quietly. "I just don't want you to have any regrets."

I scrawled my signature in all the indicated places and slid the stack back into the envelope. "The only thing I regret is not doing this sooner."

Tank cut his eyes back to the shattered mess on the carpet but wisely chose not to comment further. I knew he thought I was making a mistake, but it was _my_ mistake to make and he knew better than to push any harder.

"Okay," he said, taking the envelope and pen back from my hands and dropping the fobs onto the coffee table. "These will get you in the building and your apartment but Silvo needs you to see him as soon as you get there so he can give you all your other access codes."

I leaned back into the couch and rubbed at the ache beginning to throb at my temples. "Right, it's first on my agenda."

Tank lifted off the couch and I thought I would be safe from any more questions but of course, I was wrong. I was wrong about almost everything lately. "I guess I'll see you when I see you."

"Yeah," I agreed and didn't add, _only if you come to Florida._

"What time's your flight tomorrow?" _Jesus, what was it going to take for him to get a clue and get the fuck out?_

"Eight."

"Early; good. Is Julie excited?"

Excited wasn't really what I'd call it but I hadn't told him the real reason for my move to Miami. Only one person had heard the entire story and that wasn't Tank.

"I guess so, look I really need to…" My phone buzzed from the spot on the coffee table where I'd dropped it and Stephanie's name glowing in the display drew both of our eyes like a magnet. After it rang four times and fell silent and still on the glass top I looked up and found Tank staring at me.

He held my gaze and I begged him internally to not open his mouth but I could not catch one single break today. "Have you…did you talk to her?"

A sigh escaped from deep in my chest. I guess blunt was going to be the only way to get through to him.

"Not that it's any of your business but yes, I talked to her. I laid it all out on the line and she…she made her choice. It's over and it's done and I really want to be alone right now, so please, with all due respect, go the fuck away."

"Yeah," he said with a nod and turned in the direction of the door. When he pulled it open he left me with one final thought. "If it's done, why is she calling?"

The locks clicked closed and as requested, I was left alone with only that question bouncing around in my head. Why _was_ she calling? Stephanie hadn't left me with any doubts about our future so why the hell had she called seven times in the past two days?

I picked up my phone and turned it over in my hands a dozen times before I deleted the messages without listening to any more. What I'd told Tank was the truth. She'd made her decision and there wasn't anything left to discuss.

Just so I wasn't tempted further, I powered down the device and packed it into my carry-on bag and then attempted to finish packing but all I ended up doing was playing the ' _what if_ _'_ game while I folded t-shirts and pants. What if her reaction had been a knee jerk response? What if, after given time to think it over, she changed her mind? What if all those messages I deleted was her trying to say she was wrong? What if she was hurt or in trouble or…

Obviously turning my brain off wasn't an option. I needed a distraction and I wasn't going to find it in my apartment. I stripped out of my work clothes and donned a pair of boxing shorts. Hopefully there would be someone in the gym willing to go a round or _thirty_ with me.

I ripped open the door and nearly plowed into the object of my torment. Stephanie stood in my lobby with her arm in the air getting ready to knock. _Fucking Hector._

Her long curls were pulled back from her face into a loose ponytail and her big blue eyes were red and puffy from crying and I had to resist every instinct that was telling me to wrap her in my arms and never let her go.

She swiped at a fresh round of tears which welled up upon seeing me and then asked in a shaky voice if she could come in.

My brain was repeating the word no over and over but my mouth wasn't connected to it any longer and after saying yes, I let her pass into the foyer. Closing the door behind her, I leaned against it while she hovered near the sideboard, wringing her hands together.

We stayed like that, not speaking, for as long as she could stand it and the first words out of her mouth twisted in my heart like a knife.

"I don't…I can't leave things this way between us."

"There's nothing left to say, Steph."

Another flood of tears started but she ignored the moisture tracking down her cheeks. "I had a lot more to say but you took off before I…and will you at least let me explain why..."

"You don't owe me anything," I cut her off. "I get it, I really do. Why would you even consider it? I've never given you any indication that I wanted more from you than we already had and then out of the blue I show up telling you I'm in love with you and want you to move to Florida in two days..Who in their right mind would ever say yes to that?"

"But... you wanted me to," she said softly. _I_ _never wanted anything more in my life._

"What I want doesn't matter."

She looked like she wanted to protest the comment but instead she very astutely said, "You're…you're not coming back are you? Not even after the procedure?"

"No," I replied curtly. "I don't have a reason to." I wasn't mad at her but I knew it sounded as if I was because she flinched at my tone, like I'd slapped her across the face.

"What's the prognosis after? Will Julie be…"

"I don't know. The doctors say the success of bone marrow transplants vary from person to person. She could make a full recovery or she could…" I couldn't bring myself to finish the sentence. Thinking of losing my daughter, much like living a life without Stephanie, was something on which I did not like to dwell.

Stephanie nodded and used the back of her hand to wipe her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Ranger. I'm so sorry for what Julie is going through and you…I can't even imagine what it's like for you…and I…I'm sorry I didn't react differently when you asked me to go with you…I...you caught me off guard so I responded before I even really thought about it and then you were gone and you wouldn't answer the phone...and I can't...I don't think I can do this without you, Ranger, especially if you're not coming back. There isn't...there can't even _be_ a me without you."

I didn't want to let myself hope but I couldn't stop it. "What are you saying, Babe?"

"I'm saying the thought of life without you makes me physically ill and I don't want you to leave, not unless you promise to come back and if you can't then I want to go with you and if you don't let me touch you right now I think I'll come right out of my skin."

I yanked her into a full body hug, wrapping my arms around her until I thought she wouldn't be able to breathe. "It was too much to ask of you, Stephanie. It was presumptuous and unfair and I should have told you how I felt a long time ago instead of springing it on you two days before I had to leave, but despite the obvious errors in judgement, the facts are the same. If you can't come with me right now, I can promise I will be back but I can't say when and it wouldn't be fair to ask you to wait."

She was shaking her head, making her hair brush across my bare chest. "I'm coming but I have to figure out what to do with my apartment and my car and I have to quit Vinnie's and say goodbye to my family...well maybe just Grandma and Dad...I can send my Mother a post card."

I felt myself smiling for the first time in weeks. "I can have Tank take care of your apartment and your car and Vinnie...I'll loan him a man for a couple of weeks until he can find a replacement and I think a postcard is too good for Helen Plum. Why don't you send her a text from the plane right before we take off?"

She tilted her head back so she could see my face and there was a smile on her lips too. "And when is that flight?"

"Tomorrow morning. Eight O'clock."

"So that gives me less than twelve hours to pack up my life here...I better get started."

She tried to wiggle out of my embrace but I wasn't having it. Now that she was here I didn't want to let her out of my sight. " _We_ should get started. I'm in this with you, Babe. From here on out everything needs to be a joint effort or this won't work."

And it _would_ be work, of that there was no doubt. We were essentially diving head first into a fully committed relationship, a path neither of us had ever traversed before, add in my very sick daughter and Stephanie abandoning the only life and home she'd ever known and it was a recipe for disaster but somehow I knew we'd find a way.

"Agreed," she said and lifted up on her toes to press a kiss to my lips.

 _How did I ever think I could make it without her?_


	2. Chapter 2

_JE owns the rights to anything familiar. Mistakes are all mine._

I received quite a few requests for a follow up to this story so here you go! There will be more, I just can't promise it will be soon. Thanks for all the views and reviews and follows. It does a body good. :)

* * *

"Babe, you know I wasn't serious about the text to your Mother."

Stephanie hit send and looked up from her phone. Her eyes were still a little red and swollen from the tears I'd caused but I planned to spend a lot of time making that up to her.

"I know, but _I_ was. I tried to say goodbye in person but I really shouldn't have bothered. All she did was mutter, ' _Mrs. Marcovic's daughter wouldn't run off to another state with a strange, foreign man.'_ After the third try, I gave up and stole a piece of the leftover pineapple upside-down cake before getting the hell out of there."

So that's what I tasted when she'd arrived back at my apartment with two bags and her hamster cage under her arm and kissed me so thoroughly I was still thinking about it hours later.

"I _am_ gonna miss that cake," she added, almost wistfully. I would never understand her obsession with dessert but I did want to do whatever I could to make her feel comfortable in Miami so I pulled out the big guns.

"I'll have Serilda make it for you whenever you want."

"Serilda?"

"The Miami version of Ella, and she also happens to be a five-star master chef."

"You have a personal chef?"

"I have a lot of things," I replied. _But my favorite is sitting at my side._ "How did your Dad and Grandma take the news?"

She lifted a shoulder in a small shrug. "Dad was Dad. He didn't say much, just told me to do what makes me happy. And Grandma..."

Stephanie paused, pressing her lips together in a fine line as if debating the merit of telling me the rest. I raised an eyebrow, curious and wary all at once about what the batshit-crazy Edna Mazur had to say.

"Grandma made me promise she could visit." I almost sighed in relief; there were worse things than a Grandma visit and then, _of course_ , she had to tell me the rest.

"And she also said, _'I bet Miami is filled with all sorts of hot Cuban sex gods, just like Ranger. He's got a good package, right? I wanna find me a man who isn't all chafed and wrinkly like a dried up bag of prunes down there.' "_

I was speechless for a second, trying to keep that image out of my brain, but I did manage to say, "She's welcome any time."

Stephanie's lips turned up at the corners. "You almost got that out with a straight face."

"What are you talking about? That was a perfect neutral expression."

"Except for the horror I saw lurking at the back of your eyes."

She had me there. "Your Grandma is a little nuts, Steph, and I guess I will have to give the men a heads up about her tendency for groping."

"Probably a good idea," she said with a hint of a smile. "So you really had no issues getting me out of my apartment lease?" Tank and I handled that for her while she went to say goodbye to her family and after I bought out the remaining six months of her contract, in cash, the landlord was more than happy to see the back of her. Apparently he was going to save a fortune in repairs and insurance costs when he didn't have a tenant who tended to get firebombed on a semi-regular basis.

"No issues at all. I have a team scheduled to go in there tomorrow and remove your furniture so they can get it ready to show. Your things will go into storage for the time being."

"You certainly are efficient. What'd you do with my piece of shit Ford? Car heaven?"

The thing was a death trap and I couldn't have been happier to get rid of it. She would not drive anything like that in Miami. I have plenty of cars she can use if she needs to but I'm sure it will be a bone of contention eventually. Stephanie liked to be self-sufficient as much as possible and it will just be a matter of time before she protests using all of my available resources.

"I'm afraid so, but Pinky at the scrap yard did give me a couple hundred for the few parts that were salvageable so I deposited that into your account."

"I really appreciate you handling all of that for me, you know that right?"

"I do know, and it was the least I could do. You're essentially giving up your life here, Babe, and not asking for anything in return so I'm of the mind to do whatever it takes to make it as easy as possible for you."

She took my hand and laced her fingers through mine as the plane lifted off the runway. "I don't need anything in return, Ranger. I just need you."

"You have me," I told her as she dropped her head onto my shoulder and let out a small sigh.

"Rex is gonna be okay, isn't he?" I hadn't been able to get clearance to bring her pet rat on the plane on such short notice so she'd agreed to let him stay at Rangeman for a while.

"The men will take good care of him until Hector and Zip drive him down in a couple of weeks."

"I know," she agreed, "I'm just being paranoid and I hope Hec and Zip get to stay for a few days, they are so adorable together. Hey, you never told me what Vinnie said."

I almost rolled my eyes. Vincent Plum was a disgusting little weasel and he's lucky I even gave him the time of day. "You know Vinnie. He threw a little tantrum until I told him he could have Binkie and Junior for two weeks."

"Poor Junior and Binkie," Steph said gravely. "I'll owe them big for this."

"No, you won't. They work for me and do what I tell them whenever I tell them to. This is just another facet of the job."

Stephanie lifted her head so she could see my face. "Have I ever told you it's kind of a turn on when you get all authoritative and bossy like that?"

I got turned on whenever she looked at me and the expression on her face right now had me wanting to drag her to the tiny bathroom so she could join the mile high club. "You shouldn't say things like that to me when we're on a plane, Babe."

She flashed me a grin and tested my limits further by cutting her eyes to the aforementioned bathroom and saying, "How long is this flight?" And then untangling our fingers so she could rub slow, soft circles on the upper section on my thigh. If she kept it up, I was sure it would be the longest flight I'd ever endured.

"A little over two hours."

"That seems like a really long time right now, maybe we both need a distraction. Tell me about Miami. Is your building near the beach?"

She settled her head back onto my shoulder and I convinced my eager libido to calm down so I could sit comfortably. "Very," I told her. "I hope you brought a bikini." Although thinking about her in a swim suit was not the best idea either.

"Four," she confessed. "But..." She paused and tensed beside me.

"What is it?" I coaxed gently.

"I...well, I didn't know if you would even be up for or able to go to the beach for a while...isn't your part of the procedure painful?"

My heart twisted beneath my ribs at the question. I'd been trying not to think about it since Stephanie had agreed to come with me in the hopes we could have a few hours to just enjoy each other before reality set in again. Unfortunately my daughter's leukemia and subsequent bone marrow transplant had to take priority over everything else, even this new relationship path Steph and I were on. Navigating both was going to be difficult.

"And how risky is it?" She tacked on. "I mean, no one has ever died giving their bone marrow, have they?"

"Not that I know of," I assured her. "And my part is pretty simple. I'll be knocked out so there won't be any pain during and the recovery time is minimal." I had to swallow before getting out the next part. "It's nothing compared to what Julie is going through."

I was lucky I was even a match. Normally it's a sibling but her half-sisters hadn't been close enough and then I got the call a couple of weeks after I'd flown down to be tested. Unfortunately, for Julie's body to accept the new marrow they basically had to first kill everything in her body with a series of radiation and chemo.

"I did read a little bit about that," Stephanie said. "It sounds awful and she's so young...it's not fair."

"No, it's not, but Julie's a fighter so she'll get through it."

"I bet she gets that from you. And she's lucky she has half your genes because you're impervious to everything. She'll be kicking leukemia's ass in no time after she gets your superior marrow."

Leave it to Stephanie to get me to smile while talking about something so serious.

"Yeah Babe, she will."

We were quiet the rest of the flight; part of it was thoughts of Julie but the rest was probably contemplation of what we were doing and how crazy it was to jump into a relationship like this. I knew we could make it work but Stephanie was a different story. I could tell she was nervous and I didn't really know what to say to ease her mind.

Neither of us said much until the plane landed and Stephanie spotted our driver waiting in baggage claim after we'd retrieved our luggage. She'd learned to pick out my men, even if they were trying to blend in, which Archer apparently was. I gave him a look at the floral print shirt and for Christ's sake _shorts_ , which at least were black, and he cringed when my eyes drifted to the flip-flops on his ugly-ass feet.

"Really?" I said, giving them another look.

"I was supposed to be off today and was at the beach when Jax called. He has the flu so I'm filling in. It was either this or be late. You _hate_ tardiness."

That was true but it was a close second to flip-flops on the job. I saw Steph trying not to laugh in my peripheral vision so turned to introduce her.

"Stephanie, this is Archer."

"Real name or nickname?" She inquired, sticking out her hand which he shook automatically.

"Nickname. Do you want to know my real one?"

"Only if it's embarrassing," she shot back and I couldn't stop the smile.

"Oh, I'm gonna like hanging out with you," he said flashing her all his teeth and I gave him another look over her head. "Alright," he went on after clearing his throat, let me take those bags and we'll get you on the road." He piled our stuff on to a small rolling cart and we followed him out to the parking structure.

"How much trouble is he in for the flip-flops?" Steph asked when he was a few feet in front of us. I let out a sigh as we could hear the constant smack of them on the concrete while he walked to the car.

"That coupled with the shirt is at least three mat sessions."

"I think it's a refreshing change of pace," she said. "The constant black clothing is really dreary and it must be hot as hell down here to always be wearing it."

"His shirt is _pink_ , Stephanie."

"I know and it's covered with flowers; totally adorable. And he's pretty cute too. Does the entire Miami crew look like that? Because I could get used to the view in a hurry." Part of me knew she was messing with me but the other part took a good look at Archer. He was tall and on the thin side but made entirely of muscle. His dark hair was styled in that messy spiked look popular with way too many people, in my opinion, and his square, chiseled jawline sported a constant five o'clock shadow. Women undoubtedly found him easy on the eyes.

I slid my gaze back to Stephanie and she was trying to hide that smile again. "So is Archer because of bows and arrows or something else?"

"It's his weapon of choice and he's really good at. The best I've ever seen, actually."

"Better than you?"

"I'm a gun man, Babe."

She lifted an eyebrow. "It's been a while, but I seem to recall you being proficient with _other_ weapons as well." She dropped her eyes below my waist and I tried not to get hard. It had been entirely too long and if she kept up the innuendo, it wouldn't be much longer.

"Behave," I chided, "at least until we're alone."

"Will that be soon?"

"I sincerely hope so."

"Me too," she sighed as I opened the door for her while Archer loaded the bags in the back of the standard-issue SUV.

"So, where's the best place to get doughnuts around here?" She asked as soon as we were on the move. Archer grinned at her in the rear view mirror.

"A woman after my own heart," he responded and was just about to answer her inquiry when I shot him yet another look. "Oh, I mean I wouldn't know, those are strictly contraband."

"It's almost too easy," she whispered and all I could do was shake my head. It wouldn't be long before she had everyone in Miami sneaking her sweets.

The drive to Rangeman was relatively short and was spent mostly with Stephanie asking about the local places, besides bakeries, but the closer we got to the building the quieter she became and she'd stopped speaking completely by the time we rolled into the garage.

"You okay?" I wanted to know as we exited the vehicle.

She nodded her head, but she wasn't, not at all. We made a brief stop on five to get her a set of fobs from Silvo and the rest of the access codes for my computers and the gun range and then I took her up to the penthouse. She could start meeting everyone else later.

By the time we entered the apartment she was wringing her hands and I took them in mine, bringing her knuckles to my lips.

"What is it, Steph?"

"Nothing, I'm fine." She tried to smile but it fell flat.

"This isn't gonna work if you lie."

"Yeah, okay." She blew out a breath and bit her bottom lip before telling me. "I'm just nervous that I'm gonna screw this up. It's a _huge_ thing we're doing and I just...I don't want to make a mess of it and I realized when we got here that I don't have a job anymore. What am I gonna do all day? I can't just sit around and be your sex slave."

"Well that's disappointing," I quipped, "I already had the chains installed."

"Funny," she said "but I'm serious. You know I'm not the housewife type. I have to get a job and a car and..."

"Slow down, Babe," I soothed, pulling her into my embrace. "We've only been here five minutes and I never expected you'd be happy doing nothing all day. There are several places here where you would be an asset and tomorrow I have you scheduled to meet with Maximus. He'll find out where you'll fit in the best."

"Maximus?"

"Miami's version of Tank."

"Is he that big too?"

"No one is as big as Tank...well maybe Diego."

"Diego?"

"You have a lot of people to meet but first why don't you put on one of your bikini's and we'll hit the beach for a couple of hours."

"Really? You don't have a million things to do and a bunch of people to boss around?"

"Yes I do, but it can wait." I bent my head and brushed a kiss over her lips. "We're gonna be fine, Stephanie. I'm nervous too but we'll figure it out." I kissed her again and she slid her hands around my waist.

"Thank you," she whispered and pulled me tighter against her body. "Maybe we should save the beach for another day because I've just noticed we are completely _alone_."

I didn't need a second invitation; scooping her up into my arms, I carried her to the bedroom.


	3. Chapter 3

I awoke early again, before Ranger, and rolled to my back, exhaling a sigh. Restful sleep had been eluding me since we arrived in Miami and why wasn't really a big mystery. Though he'd been trying really hard to distract me, I couldn't seem to turn off my brain and make it stop worrying about every little thing.

I was worried for Julie and what she was going through and that she might not make it. I was worried about Ranger giving her his marrow and what it would do to him if he lost her. I was worried I wouldn't pass the physical and weapons qualifications required by Rangeman for employment and if I did, I was worried I would suck at the position Maximus thought would be best for me. It seems really stupid and selfish in the face of what is happening with Julie but most of all I was worried I would do something to screw up this new relationship with Ranger.

It was insane, what we were doing. I mean, we weren't even _dating_ before this and now we're _living_ together? Obviously something is _very_ wrong with both of us. Who does that? I haven't even told him I love him. I do, _obviously_ , but I've never told him. It doesn't seem to bother him though, and in fact, nothing seems to bother him. He is convinced that Julie will make a full recovery and though he admits it will be challenging, he is sure he and I will be fine too.

Case in point, he's sleeping like a baby beside me and I turned onto my side so I could watch the slow rise and fall of his bare chest. We'd made a mess of the bed linens last night; the duvet was somewhere on the floor and only the soft ivory sheet was pulled over us, well mostly me. His bottom half was covered, but his well-defined torso and arms were exposed to the slightly humid air and I had a hard time not enjoying the view. There aren't many things I would consider better than a naked Ranger and I'd been lucky enough to explore most every part of his dark, caramel skin, but as I lay there in the semi-darkness of the early dawn, I discovered something I'd never seen before.

We hadn't been intimate in a very long time until coming to Florida but I know the quarter-sized image on his skin wasn't there the last time we got naked and shared a bed. And now that I know it's there, I can't take my eyes off it ...or stop myself from wondering what it means.

He'd fallen asleep on his back with his left arm extended up and curved across his pillow behind his head, exposing his side, so I had an unobstructed view. I was a little surprised to see the tattoo on his otherwise flawless body, however the eight-pointed star done in black lines and gray shading somehow fit Ranger. There was a small circle behind the center of it which contained a letter "J" done in a fancy script between the first and last points of the star, and an "S" in the same writing between the first and second ones. My guess is the _J_ stood for Julie, but the _S_ had me stumped.

I stretched out my fingers intent on brushing my thumb across it but stopped just short of contact. I knew he'd wake up the instant I touched him and I wanted him to sleep as much as possible since today would be a tough one.

"You're doing it again, Babe."

I jerked my hand back, startled at the sound of his voice. I'd been so engrossed with inspecting the ink I didn't pick up on the change in his breathing pattern.

"What? I'm not doing anything."

He didn't open his eyes but the corners of his lips tilted up with the ghost of a smile "You're watching me sleep."

"Since you are no longer sleeping, that isn't true."

He rolled over and enveloped me in his arms, yanking the sheet up and over both of us. "You think you're going to best me on a technicality?"

"Considering that it's _you_ , yeah, I'll use any advantage I can."

"Fair enough, but you should know, I will too." He covered my mouth with his while his hands began a full assault on the rest of my body. It only took him a few seconds to get me writhing beneath him, straining for more contact. I was really glad I'd never gotten off birth control because we'd been seriously testing its reliability for the past two days.

Ranger left my mouth and used his to trail a hot, wet string of kisses down my torso and when his head dipped between my thighs, I nearly levitated off the mattress. He _definitely_ knew my weakness and had no issue using it to his advantage. Not that I would ever complain about that.

It wasn't until later, when I was sated and feeling _very_ relaxed that I remembered we probably wouldn't get to do that again for a while. Although, knowing Ranger, he'd probably have a quicker recovery time than most normal humans and the thought made me smile. I curled into his side and wrapped my arm around his middle as he stretched out on his back.

"You're not sleeping well," he said, because _of course_ he noticed. "Are you still worried about today?

This new thing where we were actual _adults_ and talked about things was really disconcerting. Ranger never used to talk about _anything_ and I was just as bad. My first instinct was to keep my mouth shut or make up something yet I never was a very good liar so I learned to excel at avoidance. But Ranger wasn't letting me avoid _anything_ and I answered honestly.

"I'm worried about a lot of things but the procedure is at the top of the list today."

"It's very routine and my part is simple, Steph."

"You keep saying that but it doesn't stop me from worrying."

"I know, but I've exhausted all my distraction techniques on you already so what else can I do to ease your mind?"

I squeezed him tighter and then ran my fingers over the tattoo on his side. "I don't know. Maybe tell me something I don't know...like when did you get a tattoo? And what does it mean?" I traced over it again and then held my breath, hoping it wasn't too pushy of a request. Ranger had been nothing but open and honest with me since the night he came to tell me about Julie, his feelings for me and his impending move and this was the first time he hesitated. Maybe this sharing thing wasn't as easy for him as it he made it seem.

He covered my wandering hand with his and exhaled a slow breath. "I got it a few months ago; after Rachel told me about Julie and after the night you told me how you really feel about me."

My heart stalled beneath my ribs. _What?_ Iwas too chicken to have _ever_ told him that.

"You don't remember, do you? Well, you _had_ consumed a lot of tequila."

I was quiet, racking my brain for the memory to which he was referring but nothing was there. _And this is why I shouldn't drink._

"You'd been out dancing with Hector and Zip," he prompted, "and apparently discussing me..."

The picture of that night came back with a jolt. They'd taken me to a club on the outskirts of town and then Ranger had appeared when we were leaving... _holy crap_.

"Oh," was all I could manage to get out.

"You were right," he went on, ignoring what I was sure was a panicked expression when I remembered the conversation with Zip and then what I'd said in the car. "I already knew but I liked hearing you say it. I wanted to hear it again, preferably when you were sober but Rachel called that night..."

"You left," I blurted, interrupting. "I remember now. You were staying the night but when I woke up you weren't there. I thought I'd dreamt that whole thing...and then I didn't see you for almost a month. You were down here with Julie?" He nodded and then brought my fingers to his lips. "And the tattoo?"

"I had it done right before I went back to Jersey. It's a North Star which points the way home and it's a constant reminder of the two reasons I will always find my way back there no matter how far or how long I am away."

I ran my finger over the _J_. "Julie."

"Yes," he agreed with a nod and I moved on to the other letter. "And the _S_ is for..."

I felt Ranger smile and then without warning he moved me off his chest and rolled us so he was hovering above me, his palms flat on the pillow on either side of my head. " _You_ , Stephanie. You are the other reason I will _always_ come home."

I couldn't stop the tears but Ranger kissed them away as they fell. When I got myself under control he asked if I wanted to shower with him.

"Normally I would never turn down such an offer but the last time we did that we ran out of hot water and there wasn't a lot of cleaning going on."

He flashed a smile at me from the archway that leads into the master bath and the giant glass-enclosed marble shower. "True, but we'll have to be quick today because I have a meeting in thirty minutes and aren't you going to the gun range at ten?"

"Yes, and that's all the more reason to shower separately. Plus, I'd rather save it for when we don't have to be quick."

"Fair enough, but you don't know what your missing; I can make _quick_ well worth your while."

"Of that I have no doubt, but you'll just have to be quick on your own." That got me a raised eyebrow and a sexy grin before he disappeared into the enormous bathroom.

While I tried not to think of him by himself in the shower with that infernally delicious shower gel, I dragged myself out of bed, slipped on a robe and went to open the shades of the floor to ceiling window which has an amazing view of the ocean. He'd told me the building was very close to the beach, but Ranger's close and my close weren't exactly the same. Close to me was stepping outside right onto the sand but close for him was a fifteen minute drive. We'd tried to go yesterday but Ranger got one look at me in my gold bikini and we never made it out of the bedroom.

And since he had to be at the hospital at four there probably wouldn't be any beach time in the immediate future. I wandered out to the kitchen for coffee and after figuring out the k-cup thing I watched it drip into my mug. I drank a little while I made him a cup of tea and then took both back to the view in the bedroom. He was at my back before either even had a chance to cool and took a sip of his tea before placing his warm lips at the nape of my neck.

"Bembé will be here soon to take you over to the gun range, but will you do me a favor?"

"Don't shoot anyone?"

"Yes, that would be preferable but I was going to say, no matter how many times he tells you his name, don't call him anything but Baby."

"Baby? Do I want to know why?"

Ranger drank more tea and gifted me with more soft kisses before responding. "Bembé is my cousin and he is the baby of the family. Our Grandma, whom he lives with by the way, has called him Baby since the day he was born and since he is now a grown adult, he isn't overly fond of the nickname."

"Which means that's all anyone will call him. You guys are mean!"

He chuckled in my ear, the warm breath making a shiver run down my spine. "Believe me, he deserves it. Oh and he's also an unapologetic flirt. Don't let him get away with it; I've already informed him he'll lose an important appendage if I get even a hint of him trying that shit with you."

I attempted a raised eyebrow. "Aww, poor Baby. You let Lester flirt with me, and Cal too."

"Because Lester knows not to cross the line; Bembé's not that smart. And since when does Cal flirt with you?"

Whoops. Guess he didn't know about that one. Better distract him before he calls Tank and issues punishment remotely. "What time will you come for me?"

He set his tea cup on the dresser and slid his arms around my waist from behind. "You can make me come every time you touch me, Babe." Ranger kissed my neck again, adding a swipe of his tongue and as my bones started to melt, I thought I should be more careful with my choice of words around him. "But I'll pick you up at one, if that's what you meant. I gotta go. Don't go crazy today." He trailed his lips down to my shoulder and then I was suddenly cold because he was gone.

Later, when I was taking my own shower, I realized I still hadn't said the _L_ word. A drunken confession definitely didn't count so I would have to rectify that, and _soon._

* * *

AN: Thank you _**LilyGhost**_ for all your help with the tattoo description!


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